My relationship with video games is a complicated one.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved playing games. My teenage years were spent playing unhealthy amounts of Call of Duty on my Xbox 360, as well as countless other shooters.

I did enjoy single-player games, too: Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag, Skyrim, and Bioshock Infinite to name a few, but I was always more captivated by multiplayer games. They dominated my late teens into my early twenties while I hid away from the responsibilities of life.

I eventually moved over to PC, and continued on my multiplayer grind with everyone’s favourite: League of Legends. Another game I’ve likely spent an unhealthy amount of time playing. It was a means to avoid real life, and I was hopelessly addicted.

During this period of my life though, something strange happened to me.

I met a girl.

We played League everyday, talked everyday, and thought about each other everyday.

I decided that if I was to be the man I needed to be, video games needed to be removed from my life. It’s quite ironic. If not for a gaming addiction I would not have met her, yet by meeting her I needed to fix my gaming addiction in order to create a better life.

We’re married now, btw.

Going cold turkey and quitting games entirely definitely helped reset my brain somehow. Maybe it was also something to do with growing up. It’s interesting how quickly your mind can adapt to something once you change your habits.

You have to get your “baseline” back down, and this is not unique to game addiction. It’s the same if you want to read books again, instead of scrolling short-form content.

Nowadays, my “cold turkey” approach isn’t needed as much. I still play games, but I tend to stick to single-player ones or games I can enjoy with my wife (e.g. Stardew Valley or Minecraft).

In doing so, I’ve found a renewed interest in story-driven games and indie games. It’s also interesting how many games that I found fun before barely interest me now.

When you have a limited amount of time, and other responsibilities and interests, playing one of the highest-rated games of the year often seems a better option than playing collectible simulators. I don’t want to pretend to go to the gym, or ride a bike, or whatever. I actually want to do it.

In this time I’ve become a huge fan of the souls series, something I gave up on many times previously. I’ve also massively enjoyed playing Hollow Knight.

I think the most important thing is finding a balance.

Abstinence and Touching Grass

To me, life is all about balance. It’s rarely ever black and white.

The modern world conditions us to teeter towards the extremes. It’s very easy to say “never play that game, it’s terrible for you”. Yet, if I had abstained, my life would be on a considerably different trajectory (one I imagine would be a lot worse).

I am very aware of the fact that my situation is likely the outlier rather than the norm. I don’t wish to present this article as some kind of life advice that everyone should take. I do not endorse locking yourself away from society playing video games and becoming bitter about the world.

For me, I’ve found that total abstinence of games or other forms of media in pursuit of being this “serious adult who does serious things and doesn’t have any time for fun” makes me a depressed (and boring) person to be around. I don’t want this.

I love the real world, the Earth, and nature. I’ve had a wonderful amount of life experiences that I am very grateful for. I’m picking up hobbies and activities which don’t revolve around screens. Yet, I also love art created by other humans, for other humans: TV shows, movies, and video games.

I don’t want to put these away. Everyone has vices. We’re not infallible.

There is also a need to address the cause of addiction, rather than just the symptoms. Why was I escaping into video games everyday? Why did I put off things that could make my life better? Was it simply impulse and lack of control, or was it something else?

It was only once I had found meaning that I had a real reason to try and be more disciplined, to try and do something different. I think outside of willpower, you need something which lasts much longer.

This is a lot of exposition and rambling to say that life isn’t simple, and as with anything, dealing with vices, worries, and existential crises takes a level of effort and discipline. But having a healthier relationship with games has made me appreciate them a lot more, and I feel a lot more content in life.

Now I wish not just to consume games, but to create them too, and hopefully make experiences and stories which I can share with others.

This was hard a hard post to write and share. It’s difficult to be vulnerable.

But, maybe someone reading will find some worth from it.